Here is the ultimate survival guide for stay-at-home moms. We need it because being a mom is hard. Staying home to raise kids is an incredible blessing, but losing yourself in your work is so easy. So let’s get to the guide.
Challenges faced by stay-at-home moms
Being a stay-at-home mom today is incredibly different than it was back in the 1950s. Yes, there are many perks of being a mom today, like drive-up services for groceries and Target, Amazon 2-day free shipping, and Dutch Bros. Still, we also have the internet and social media to remind us of all the expectations we have to live up to.
Crazy Impossible Expectations
Oh, you stay at home with your kids? You should be working out and have lost all your baby weight by now. Your family should be eating delicious and nutritious meals seven days a week. Store-bought bread and cookies – ABSOLUTELY NOT – you should be making them from scratch. Ready to eat food? Not for your kids – their lunch better be cut into fancy shapes and have little cutsie eyeballs on everything. Not to mention that your house should be spotless, with everything organized, labeled, and ready to be photographed for that home magazine.
Importance of balancing responsibilities and self-care
All joking aside from the above – it is essential to do all the things a mom needs to do. You do need to make sure your family eats. Does it have to be a five-course meal every night? No. But there should be some food eaten daily. ?You also need to keep your living area clean and tidy, stay up to date with doctors and dental appointments, and ensure your kids do their homework. But don’t forget to look after yourself. Just like on a plane, you must put your mask on first before you help out someone else. So, there needs to be a balance. You can’t neglect yourself.
If you are thinking, “Duh – I know I need to take care of myself, but how do you fit it in?”
I know – I know. Don’t neglect yourself – easy to say but harder to accomplish, especially if you are a new mom. Storytime: I lost myself when I had my first child. I was induced at 38 weeks because she wasn’t growing well in my belly. She was only 5 pounds, and she ended up in the NICU for a week.
I had postpartum depression. I didn’t know it then, but looking back, I did. I lost myself. I wasn’t Julie – I was Selene’s mom. My whole life centered around her. I constantly thought she was going to die. It was terrible. I neglected myself, wasn’t eating good meals, and wasn’t exercising. I would shower, but I rarely got dressed.
You aren’t going to do everything in one day.
It’s hard – it is a hard adjustment having kids. You won’t be able to do EVERYTHING you want for yourself. You aren’t going to be able to do EVERYTHING for your kids. You aren’t going to be able to do EVERYTHING in your house. You aren’t able to do EVERYTHING you want for your partner. The first step is admitting it.
As I mentioned above, what about the crazy expectations the world has for us stay-at-home moms? Well, we are part of the problem. We have crazy expectations for ourselves. You have to learn to let it go. You are one person – you can’t do everything and always be everything for everyone. That is the secret. Do less. Say no. It’s OK.
Tips for managing household responsibilities
Just because I said you can’t do it all doesn’t mean we aren’t going to work. Like the pop princess Britney Spears Said, “Work B*tch.” I am going to give you some tips for managing your household. The keyword is managing. You got to run your house like the boss you are.
It is your full-time job, so treat it as such. If you are like me, I had my desk clean, and everything had a place and was in its place, and a routine. Whether in the office or the classroom, I had clean and complete files and prioritized to-do lists. What didn’t get done in one day was pushed to the next.
The Ultimate Survival Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms
You need a notebook, a planner, a Google Doc, or a note on your phone – something to write down. I’m still a paper and pencil gal, so I like to write things out. Make lists for different areas of your life.
- House List
- Kids List
- Doctors List
- Pets List
- Cleaning List
- Self Care List
Write all the things you want to do on those lists. Brian dump. Get it out of your head and on paper. After completing the lists, you can decide how often to do these tasks. Yearly, Quarterly, Monthly, Weekly, Daily, Once.
Our next section will use these lists to create our daily schedule and routine. Keep these lists somewhere, especially your recurring tasks, and reference them often. These prioritized lists are your stay-at-home mom handbook.
Creating a daily schedule and routine
I like to create a daily routine first. A routine is something that you follow every day. Your schedule is something that can change based on your tasks. When making your routine, you will want to do time blocks. Time blocking is fantastic – it keeps you on track without being overly specific on what you do so that you can follow it forever.
I wrote a great blog post about time blocking and even have a free printable.
As far as making your daily schedule – once you have your routine in place, you can start to feed your schedule based on your lists – or the stay-at-home mom handbook you created in the previous section. You won’t fit everything on your list in one day. YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL. Remember that. But you can do it like a boss.
Design your Schedule
Based on your routine – schedule your tasks into the time block area they fit. Your routine should already have your sleep and self-care time – like working out and getting ready. (Shower, hair and makeup, and cute outfit everyday ladies ?) You’ll have your nap times, pick-up and drop-off times, and all the blacked-out areas of your routine. Your time block routine will make it easy to plan appointments and say no to things that don’t align with your journey. Asking for volunteers for the bake sale, but it’s during your favorite gym class? No, thank you – volunteer for a different event.
Strategies for self-care and personal well-being
My top tip for self-care and personal well-being is to put it in your schedule. Build it into your routine. If you want to go to the gym three days a week, put it on your schedule. Add it to your schedule if you love reading a book in the bathtub. Nails make you feel like the bad b you are? Add your nail appointment to your schedule.
Journaling
Want to connect with yourself more – journal. You can do it before kids wake up, before you go to bed, or, my fave while waiting to pick up your kids from school. Get a cute little notebook to write in – or write in your notes app on your phone. Whatever makes it easy for you to do.
Reading
If you want to read more? GET A KINDLE! (Affiliate Link: I get paid a commission if you purchase through my link at no additional cost to you.) I don’t know why I finally waited SO LONG to purchase a Kindle. I have the app on my phone, which is convenient. But the KINDLE. OMG. Let me just say – you have all your books in there. It is small but significant at the same time. I can go on and on – I will make a separate Kindle post so I don’t sidetrack here. ? I have been able to read so many more books now that I started to utilize this. I can go on and on, but if you struggle to read as much as you would like, try the Kindle.
Getting Dressed
Get dressed. You will feel SO MUCH better about yourself if you put on an outfit. It can still be leggings. But changing out of my gym clothes after leaving the gym #1 is so much more hygienic (don’t judge my previous self – haha), and #2, you feel more put together – even if it’s just a clean set of leggings. I have been making this a new habit for the last few weeks. I have noticed that I have better posture and more confidence in myself. If you need help with putting outfits together – check out Outfit Formulas. I’ll link the website here. She also wrote a book that I borrowed from my library and read on my Kindle 🙂
Finding support and community as a stay-at-home mom
It’s essential to have a support system. Ideally, you have your partner and family. But you need some girlfriends. Great places to meet mom friends are at mommy-and-me classes. They have them for gymnastics, dance, and swimming, and I’m sure there are far more options.
Another great place is the gym – especially a gym with a childcare center. You can meet friends in class or while dropping off and picking up at the gym.
Online groups. Mom groups get a bad reputation. But they are only showcasing the extremes in there. You must take the good with the bad. And those groups are a great way to chat with moms and do meet-ups at a park to find some friends.
It is a struggle – and if you are an introverted extrovert like myself – it can be painfully awkward and hard to make that connection with people. But it is worth it once you find some mom friends. So don’t give up. Keep smiling – keep working on that small talk, and you will connect with the right friend.
Setting boundaries and managing guilt
Setting boundaries is super important. Learning to say no and getting good at saying no is essential. You must manage your calendar and responsibilities and only take on what you can. Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. You are the boss of your life – you choose how you want to live it. You only have one life – you should do things that make you happy. Things that make your family happy.
Make Your Own Traditions
Start your traditions. Start your weekly family rituals. Your little family, the ones living with you in your house or apartment, are what matters. Extended family is essential. I love my extended family. But they are second to my immediate family. It’s me, my husband, and my two daughters. We are number 1. So we are going to do what’s best for us first.
Establishing those new boundaries with people can be tricky if they haven’t been there. But it is going to change your life. It makes things so much easier when you have focus. Stop being a people pleaser to everyone. Only focus on pleasing your immediate family and yourself.
Guilt
Guilt is always going to be there. This one I am still working on. Like I said before, you can’t have it all. When you focus on one area (cleaning, self-care, momming, working), the other areas are lacking. In the many books I’ve read, I have found that QUALITY over quantity is critical. If you are doing work – DO WORK. Don’t try to cook dinner – type up a report or blog post – and play with the kids simultaneously. You are going to be horrible at all of them.
It goes back to the time blocking. FOCUS on that one area you will do for the amount of time you will do it. Don’t multitask in another area at the same time. Not multi-tasking is crucial for your kid’s time. Kids don’t need you to play with them for 8 hours daily. Independent play is essential. But that QUALITY time of FOCUSED attention on them will do SO MUCH for your relationship. I’m talking about playing with them for 10 minutes WITHOUT looking at your phone, reading a book, or watching TV. FULL ATTENTION.
Quality-focused kid time also eases the mom guilt that you have. You’ll notice a difference When you spend quality time with your kids, even for a little bit every day. Reading a book to them at night time, tuck in, kisses. It all adds up. You’ll feel a closer connection to them, and when you are focusing on those other areas you need to focus on, and they are doing something independent – you won’t feel as guilty.
Seeking help and delegating tasks
Get help. I can’t say that enough. If someone offers to help you – SAY YES. If the husband wants to load the dishwasher (even if it’s not how you pack it), let him! Clean dishes are clean dishes, regardless. Have tasks you don’t like to do? Pay for someone else to do them.
I HATE to mop. I’ll Swiffer Wetjet if I need to, but I don’t do the mopping as well as my cleaning service does. So, I have a bi-weekly maid service that comes and does that deep clean. It works. I maintain the home for those two weeks, and if something crazy happens, I get the wetjet ready to go to the spot clean. 🙂 My maid service costs about $120 every two weeks – and let me tell you, it is WORTH EVERY PENNY.
When working full time as a Kindergarten teacher before I quit to stay home and focus on real estate and this blog, I had a cleaning service weekly. I didn’t want to spend my limited time cleaning the house on nights and weekends with my kids. So we paid for that maid service weekly. Cleaning is one area I would recommend you hire help even if you start with only a monthly service. It will change your life.
Conclusion: Embracing the journey of being a stay-at-home mom
This blog post was fun and easy to write. The truth is – I love being a stay-at-home mom. There are challenges with everything you do. Nothing good in life comes easy. I’m not a hater of those impossible expectations for moms, either. I like to see what could be possible. I am always wanting to improve myself in one way or another. There is always room for growth and learning. Seeing those beautifully organized homes gives me motivation for what I aspire to. I hope this ultimate survival guide for stay-at-home moms helps you be a better version of yourself.
It is a change going from working to not working. I questioned my contribution to the family a lot. I had money blocks and issues. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. It’s hard. It is an adjustment both physically and mentally. I am 6 months into my stay-at-home mom journey, which has become much more manageable. My house is staying much cleaner in between cleaning services. My kids are happier, and my youngest isn’t getting sick every month. Life is good, and it is only getting better.
The Ultimate Survival Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms
So, the moral of the story here is to think about your perfect stay-at-home mom day. Map it out: what do you want to do? What kind of mom do you want to be? Write it out. Do your brain dump and make those lists. Time-block your routine so you do the same thing daily – and take it one day at a time. Each day, try to make it better than the last. If you have a terrible day – accept it. Give yourself grace. You are a human being, not a machine. Do you want to do nothing all day, watch Netflix, and eat bonbons? DO IT! Take a rest day – don’t feel guilty about it. And go back to your routine the next day.
Life is about balance. You got this mama.
DISCLAIMER: This blog post contains affiliate links. Julie Anderson is an Amazon Associate. If you purchase a product through one of her links she will earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. This helps her provide for her family and is greatly appreciated. She only shares products she actually uses and loves.